Thoughtful, generous, and people-pleasing. They thrive on relationships, believing that everyone needs to feel that someone loves and cares.
Welcome back! This week we are talking to our type two friends, or our friends who love a type two.
Core Fear: Being rejected or unwanted. Being thought of as worthless or needy.
Core Desire: Being appreciated, loved, and wanted.
Core Weakness: Denying their own needs and emotions while putting all of their energy into focusing on the needs of others.
Core Longing: “You are wanted, you are loved.”
A healthy two can pinpoint their own needs and feelings without fear of judgement or relationships. They are generous with their love and help, and always willing to care for other while taking time to also care for them selves and their needs.
An average two will refrain from sharing their own needs so they don’t seem like they are trying to diminish the needs of others. Subconsciously, they expect some type of recognition for their efforts in caring for others.
An unhealthy two is extremely codependent. They will take almost anything in place of love, which can lead to extremely toxic situations and relationships. They can be insecure and manipulative, trying to earn love by meeting the needs of others.
Things that trigger conflict with a two:
- Being ignored, or not being heard by others
- Sensing you’re not needed or wanted
- Being taken for granted
- Feeling rejected
In conflict, try to avoid asserting your advice if it is not asked for. Acknowledge that your unsolicited advice could lead to tension. Remain patient and extend grace and mercy. Christ loves you, and wants you. When you lean on him, there is no need to be overly dependent on on the approval of others.
When you’re doing well, you are able to give helpful advice and ask necessary questions to help have a meaningful conversation. You are a great listener, and you are able to give advice while resining empathetic and warm. When you are not doing well, you can be irritable. You give advice based on how you are feeling, rather than using the situation to determine what to say. You can channel your hurt by turning it into manipulation.
For better ways to communicate, try learning when you are being too direct, passive aggressive, and assertive. Being that you constantly view your motives as pure, this can be challenging. Express your feelings and needs to others before they bottle up.
Type 2 – Wing 1
Overall, they are able to keep a hold on your emotions. You drive others to do what is right. They serve willingly. When struggling, they tend to be more controlling and impatient. They can struggle with more guilt than a 2w3. This specific type makes up some of the most admirable teachers, improving the lives of others while being nurturing and caring. They radiate warmth and always make you feel welcoming.
Type 2 – Wing 3
Overall, they are outgoing and social.They are able to help in many ways with various talents. They strive to be likable and tend to focus a lot of their energy towards relationships of all kinds. When struggling, they can be more focused on winning approval and praise based on manipulation. Both types desire to be liked and win approval. Being that they are both social and charming, they thrive in the spot light.
STRESS & SECURITY ARROWS
When stressed, a type 2 takes on the characteristics of an average to unhealthy 8. Often becoming irritable and defensive, blaming others for their problems while they are convinced your intentions are good.
When secure, a type 2 will take on the characteristics of a healthy 4. They become more compassionate to themselves and others and are able to point out your own needs and emotions and handle them.
LEARNING TO LOVE A TYPE TWO
To love a type two means to understand that they have a constant inner voice telling them that they are being selfish and that they are undeserving of love and compassion. They believe that in order to have value, they need to overly focus on others and take care of their needs. Two’s can help and give advice with confidence, often not even realizing that they are doing it, as it comes second nature. While they will help regardless, they do seek validation and acknowledgment for what they do. If they feel hurt, they will start to manipulate and become more “pushy” to get people to show that they value them.
At their best, they are sincere, humble, warm, welcoming, and extremely generous. Give love without limits and point out the good in people. Since they are taking care of their own needs, they are more relaxed and generous with their help. They won’t expect anything in return, and they know when they have hit their boundaries.
When this type is triggered, they tend to without feelings from others to avoid feeling like a burden. They are intense in their emotions, and are able to easily express their feelings with reason while explaining how they feel wronged by others in an easy-to-receive manner.
When you are trying to communicate with a type two, make sure you approach them with affection, warmth, and a positive energy. Try saying something affirming, THEN what you need to say, then another affirmation. Often called the sandwich method. This helps lower their walls and insure that they will not become defensive, and instead they will be open and willing to listen.
In conflict, be PATIENT. Let them say what they need to say without interruption. Things become more real to them when said out loud, so they will need to process their emotions and responses accordingly. Repeat & rephrase. Repeat and rephrase their concerns back to them to make sure you are understanding them correctly. It’s not about listening, or even communicating. It’s about COMPREHENSION. Do not accuse. Do not use rude tones. Do not shame, hurt, or dismiss their feelings. Always, ALWAYS affirm their feelings and validate their thinking.
Demonstrate your love by being specific about their positive qualities. Take the time to really listen and understand their thoughts and feelings. Even though they may deflect, always turn it back to them. Spend time together. Put thought into gifts.
Loving your two better means to be open and honest with them. In that, they will find a safe haven. Becoming that for them teaches them that they can rely on you for help them when they need it. They will come to you for help because they will trust that you will not judge in a world full of people seeking to condemn people for no reason.
PATHS TO TRANSFORMATION – “The Road Back to You” by Cron & Stabile
- Rather than hinting at your needs or leaving it to others to figure them out, try saying them directly.
- Internally, take a deep breath and start over when you catch yourself trying too hard to present a likable image to win approval.
- Don’t reflexively say “yes” to everything. When someone asks for your help, try telling them that you will get back to them with an answer when you’ve had time to think about it. Or, just experiment with saying the word “no”.
- When the urge to help overwhelms you, ask yourself “Is this mine to do?” If you’re not sure, talk it over with a trusted friend.
- When you realize you have fallen back into the typical behaviors of your number, gently ask yourself “what would I have to feel if I wasn’t flattering or meeting this person’s needs right now?”
- Whenever possible, perform acts of ANONYMOUS service.
- Twos toggle back and forth better having overly inflated or deflated views of themselves and their value to others. Remind yourself, you’re neither the best nor the worst. You are you.
- Don’t push away feelings of resentment or entitlement when they arise. Instead, view them as invitations to look inwardly with kindness and ask, “What needs most attention in my life right now?“
- Don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself moving to aggressively towards others or overwhelming them with your emotions. Congratulate yourself for spotting it and dial it back.
- Two or three times a day, ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” and “What do I need right now?” Don’t worry if you can’t supply an answer. It takes time to develop self care muscles.
When you feel the need to earn love and approval, remind yourself who you really are: Christ’s beloved and cherished child whom he pursued.Becoming Us by Jeff and Beth McCord