Type One: The Perfectionist

Ethical, dedicated, and reliable. They have the desire to live the right way, improve the world, and avoid fault.

Welcome! This week we are talking to our type one friends, or our friends who love a type one.

Core Fear: Being wrong, corrupt, evil, unredeemable, or defective.

Core Desire: Having integrity, being good, accurate, and right.

Core Weakness: Repressing anger that leads to continual frustration and dissatisfaction.

Core Longing: “You are good.”

A healthy one is committed to a life of service and doing good. They are able to forgive themselves for their own imperfections or the imperfections of others. They are structured, but patient with the world around them. Ones make the world a better place.

An average one have a mindset that easily spots flaws and errors. They struggle to accept the fact that imperfections are inevitable. They fear being constantly filled with anxiety over these issues.

An unhealthy one fixates on small issues and imperfections. They micromanage in as many areas of their life as they are able to. Asserting control over most situations is the only way they can find peace.

CONFLICT STYLE

Things that trigger conflict with a one:

  • Being criticized
  • Seeing people be irresponsible and lazy
  • Knowing people are failing to complete their responsibilities with precision and detail
  • Seeing people be deceptive and untrustworthy

In conflict, try to remember to extend grace and forgiveness. Trust that the Lord will help you. Ask questions to better understand the situation before becoming judgmental. Always try to assume that people are trying their best. Offer encouragement before you start to condemn someone.

COMMUNICATION

When you’re doing well, you’re honest, fair, poised, polite, and sincere. Your ideas and opinions are reasonable and uncontrolling. When you are not doing well you come off as condescending and judgmental. You become easily irritated and opinionated, showing your aggravation through criticism. You begin to teach and correct, assuming people are unable to function without your guidance.

For better ways to communicate, try being encouraging by showing warmth and compassion. Avoid singling out small details to criticize. Keep in mind that it is God’s responsibility to change people or perfect them, not yours.

WINGS

Type 1 – Wing 9

Overall, they can be withdrawn and detached from their emotions. When struggling, they can be more impatient and judgmental. They often speak down to others. Both of these types are in conflict with each other. Nine’s try to avoid conflict while one’s provoke others to do what is right in their eyes. 1w9’s make it known what is needed by pointing out what’s wrong (1) and expressing how to change it or fix it in a way that it’s easy for people to receive (9).

Type 1 – Wing 2

Over all, They are generally warmer than 1w9’s. They take charge while also being helpful, social, and hands on. They are also more vocal and controlling. When struggling, they can be more harsh with your words. They tend to cross boundaries with their advice or opinion. Both of these types work well together. They support each other by being good and productive, while remaining loving and helpful. Instead of criticizing from a distance, 1w2’s are able to see what’s wrong while jumping in to help fix the problem.

STRESS & SECURITY ARROWS

When stressed, type 1 takes on characteristics of an average to unhealthy type 4. Anger turns into resentment caused by people not living up to your expectations, which then turns into depression.

When secure, type 1 take on the characteristics of a healthy 7. They begin to have an excepting state of mind while experiencing the joys of life. They become more enthusiastic and positive, enjoying the world around them even more.

LEARNING TO LOVE A TYPE ONE

It all starts with having an understanding of who they are. As children, type ones were told that anything less than the best was not good enough. Since then, they have a very loud inner critic constantly telling them to be perfect. The more perfect they are, the more relief they get from this inner critic. Ones can become overly irritated when someone else is not striving for perfection. Ones are already filled with criticism, they tend to overflow onto those around them. When being faced with assumptions or accusations, ones become extremely hurt, critical, and defensive.

At their best, ones are full of good advice and wisdom. To strive for perfection, you have to be educated. They are able to show compassion while displaying peace and empathy. They are able to bless the world with their talents and passions, rather than trying to be a perfect example for the world to follow.

When a type one is triggered, They can become excessively critical and judgmental.They may bring up accusations related to other issues in the past, while showing their inner anger through facial expressions or gestures.

When you’re trying to communicate with the type one, spouse or friend, realize that ones are not just looking for imperfections constantly. Mistakes, to them, stand out like red ink on white paper. Try to understand that their inner critic is constantly in the back of their minds, and sometimes they cannot hear over the noise. Try to relieve some of their burdens that their inner critic is constantly weighing them down with. Instead of assuming that your type one is looking to judge you, see how they are trying to help you by giving advice, even though it may not seem like it. It’s their specific way of doing things. If you are going to try and talk it out, make sure the conversation is constructive and purposeful so they are not filled with more unsolved issues. When you are letting your one know how you feel, do so without accusing or criticizing. Assure that you are understanding correctly when you talk with your one. Ask questions to ensure that you and your one are on the same page.

In conflict, take charge in solving the problem, stay productive, and get the job done. Discuss the issues based on facts rather than feelings. REMEMBER, they are not trying to hurt you. Carefully listen to all of their thoughts, opinions, and judgments. Be gentle, kind, and let them know you are aware of their inner critic.

Affirmations are a big part of the path to a ones success in their lives and relationships. Be sure to affirm your one when you see them displaying these better qualities.

Loving your one better means to take your own responsibilities seriously. Point out the good that they do. Ask for forgiveness when you are wrong. Remind them of your love. Give the glory to God and let Him use your one to change the world in His time. God’s grace is always enough.

PATHS TO TRANSFORMATION – “The Road Back to You” by Cron & Stabile

  • To become more self aware, grab a journal and start to write out things your inner critic says to you. Read them out loud and share with a loved one.
  • Smile and tell your inner critic that you appreciate the advice, but you’re going down a different, more accepting path.
  • Resist the urge to give people to-do lists, or redo their tasks if they haven’t met your standards. Tell the people you love that you appreciate their help.
  • When you are ready to jump in to correct a wrong, make sure the passion you feel for that issue is not repressed anger for another issue.
  • Let your seven and nine friends help you learn how to relax and have fun. Work will still be there tomorrow.
  • If you find yourself procrastinating, ask yourself why. Are you afraid to get a task going because you may not be able to accomplish it perfectly?
  • Pick up a hobby that you are not very good at. Just do it for the love of it.
  • Try to catch yourself measuring yourself against others to see who does a better job, works harder, or meets your definition of success.
  • Be aware of how you receive criticism from others, and try not to be defensive about it.

“Instead of living in bondage to perfection, surrender to the Holy Spirit, and depend on Him completely. He will align you with the gospel, which is where you’ll find true freedom and rest”

Becoming Us by Beth & Jeff McCord