January 22, 2005.
That’s the day I gave my life to Christ. I was nine. I went to a small Missionary Baptist Church in South Alabama, There were 3 other kids there my age. One being my cousin, Sloan. I looked up to EVERYTHING he did. I wanted to walk like him. Make people laugh like him. Walk with Christ like him. He was about 12 when I got saved, and had also given his life to Jesus a short time before I did. I was asked, “Is this something you’re doing because your cousin did this?”
My answer was no, thinking that I would get in trouble if I said yes.
That question haunted me for years. Did I just want to be like him?
At nine years old, you’re not surrounded as much by sin and temptation like you are between the ages of 15 and 18.
I fell of. I walked through sin and thought, “Oh. I’m saved. I know where I’m going.” But, did I?
I was your typical high school girl. I got in a fight or two, my grades were average, I went to football games, and I had my small group of friends. I always thought, “Let them know you can sing. Show them your art. Make them laugh. Be remembered.”
I never did any of that out of fear of judgment. But, did you know what I never considered? Being a light. Leading people to my Lord and savior. I was sacrificing my relationship with the Lord, for a reputation that I never even had.
Fast forward to now.
Me and my husband are remodeling a house. We are drowning in bills and it feels like our home gets pushed aside and is getting forgotten about. I ended up staying at my mawmaw’s for now. She has a huge house, way too big for just her. So she offered a roof and we offered helping hands. I was starting to ask questions to my God. I was starting to worry I was getting overlooked. Kind of the way I’ve been overlooking him since high school. I’ve been reaching my arms high to him, kind of the way he had been reaching down to me. And it all made sense.
I said my prayers and asked for the Lord to lead me home. Where ever that may be.
A day later, my cousin and his wife invited me to a Wednesday night church service. I loved it. I loved the people. I loved the feeling I had when I walked into the hugs and handshakes from people I’ve never met. But, just like before, was it just because my cousin was there?
We were invited back for the next Sunday. I was scared. I started putting false reasoning in my head. “Well, I need to learn to go to church for myself, not my cousin. I’ve got to find this relationship on my own.” I lied to his wife (Karson). I ran. I hid on the couch watching K.C. Undercover. Under the covers.
But I’ll tell you one thing. The minute my clock hit 10:30 My heart fell like a brick into my stomach. Once again I felt God say, “I reached for you”.
Ya’ll… I have seriously been doing some soul searching. You know what I found?
“And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not” John 1:5
God was using MY cousin as a light in my life. I didn’t understand because I was in the dark. Of course I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to be a light. I wanted God to use me. I wanted to have a purpose. Whether that means being a light to one or one million. God used the love I had for my cousin to lead and guide me. Best part is? I bet Sloan has no idea. It’s been about 2 weeks since this really hit me. Ever since then, when I reach my arms up, I feel at home.
Now, March 29, 2018, I have been going to church every week for 8 months straight. I only miss for ACTUAL sickness, which is very rare. Every Sunday. Every Wednesday. Every Friday (for bible study). Other days as well. I am part of an amazing worship team. I have found the most beautiful friendships. My life feels complete.
This is my testimony. This is me, now. In this moment. I want this blog to be my voice. I want this to be a discussion. I want this to be a sanctuary where people can come and find relevance. This is what I take from the Word and the Scripture that I read.
If you have a testimony you would like to share please, contact me! I would love to hear them, and maybe with your permission even share them here. I will try to post at least once a week. If you have any ideas, thoughts, questions, I’d love to hear them!
Update: January 17, 2019
I am now part of an amazing worship band at Hill Spring Baptist Church with my cousin and his wife. I love writing devotionals and I am currently working on posting videos!